Earthquake in Bacolod

August 2, 2008 at exactly 2:21am in my time, earthquake made its presence here in bacolod. I was just enjoying my time viewing videos in youtube and chatting at IRC when i suddenly felt some sort of light headedness and saw the table and the window blinds moving. I heard some strange sounds that goes with it and the cabinets in my room starts to move. At first i was trying to convince myself that i was just hallucinating but when i saw that my standfan just beside me racking on the floor, i knew right there and then that it was an earthquake. i stood up from my chair turn on the lights at the sala and the kitchen and woke my cousin up in his room. My cousin also felt the strong movement of the earth, he thought someone was shaking his bed. it was really strong. tomorrow morning, i will try to watch the morning news to know the magnitude of the quake. Scary. Now im waiting if there's an afterschock.

CRAZY FOR YOU

Friendster really offers alot of surprises and i got some of it. I had been searching here in friendster for one particular person that i used to know in high school. I tried to recall her complete name but i really couldnt spot the right one. I kept on trying, rumbling all the letters to possibly hit the right combination of her name, then suddenly to my surprise, i had found one result from that particular search. A picture of that friendster account result had brought me flashes of memories that i had in highschool.

I was in my 4th year when I got to know this young and sweet beautiful lady from the freshmen group. Her eyes and smile really captured my attention and my heart was like a ball that was being dribbled every time I saw her. I was so eager to know her but I was too timid and shy to approach. But the feeling was really so strong. Then there was this one event in school where all the students were busy searching and choosing the club to join in. I was a member of Konsiyensa Club, it’s a Science club, I was with it since first year. Me and my friends were roaming around the school, looking around and taking some peek to the rooms of other clubs until we reach one room, a room of Glee Club. From outside of that room, in my peripheral view I knew right there and then, that it was her. I turned my head to have that sight but when my eyes were already straightly focused to that breath taking view I feel elated and my surrounding changes to something heavenly like I was at the garden of eden gazing at the charm of Eve from a distance. My heart leaped and beat so fast and my face turned to flush. I kept it to myself, didnt tell my friends of what had transpired, I smiled. On that day, I had decided to join the glee club.

The meeting of each club was weekly, and the audition for the Glee club was still open. So a week after that day, I went back to that room again for the audition eventhough I knew that I didn’t have the voice to sing. But I tried, and luckily I got in. I was so happy then. So days and weeks had passed we became closer and closer. Until I tried showing my likeness to her, letting her feel her importance to me. There was no txt, no cellphone. The way of our communication was through writing, through letter writing. Up to now I consider that letter writing is still the romantic way of showing affection through a communication. I managed in sending her letters through her bestfriend and to some friends that I knew in freshmen group. We exchanged letters that contain daily events in school and home, sweet quotes that we got from books, poems we personally compose, and exchanging Favorite songs. Oh I still remember that song that I sent to her as my dedication. A song from Ogie Alcasid entitled MAHAL KITA WALANG IBA and she also sent a song for me from Vina Morales version of SANA AY IKAW NA NGA. Those songs were hits during that time.

MAHAL KITA WALANG IBA


Eto na naman ang puso ko
Tumitibok-tibok at mayroong binubulong
Tila mayrong nadarama
Umiibig na yata sa'yo, sinta

Refrain
Kaya't sana'y pakinggan mo
Ako ay di nagbibiro
Sa puso ko'y walang katulad mo

Chorus
Mahal kita, walang iba
Paniwalaan mo sana ako, sinta
Mahal kita, walang iba
Sa puso ko'y walang katulad mo
Mahal ko

At kung mayron kang nadarama
Sana'y wag nang itago, sinta
Pag-ibig na wagas ang alay sa iyo
Pangako ko sa iyo'y di maglalaho.



SANA AY IKAW NA NGA

Anong kailangan kong gawin
Upang malaman mo
Ikaw ay minamahal ko
Kailangan ko'y katulad mo
Sa buhay kong ito
Nag-iisa lang sa mundo

Dati'y nasaktan na 'ko
Takot nang magtiwala
Ayoko na sanang umibig pa
Ngunit ika'y ibang-iba
Sa lahat ng nakilala
Sana ay ikaw na nga

Anong kilangan kong gawin
Upang matigil na
Ang kabaliwan kong ito
Sumpa ko sa sarili'y
Hinding-hinding hindi na
Ngunit heto na naman ako
Hindi na papipigil pa
At di na paaawat
Sinisigaw na ang pangalan mo

Ikaw talaga'y ibang-iba
Sa lahat ng nakilala
Sana ay ikaw na nga

So sad that It didn’t continue when I graduated and entered college. Schedules differs and prioritization sets in. But occasionally we got to see each other when they to went to our university for there game, because she was also a member of the Volleyball team. But eventhough we were apart, we kept on writing to each other until the time that we didn’t notice the communication stopped. I heard when she graduated highschool she went to cebu for her college. And that’s also one of that factors that we lost communication. Years had passed, so long, and after all through friendster I got to see her. I was so happy at first in seeing her account. She had turnedmature but the eyes and the smile remains the same, very captivating. Browsing her account, looking at her pictures there I realized that after 10 years, my feeling still remains the same but the situation isn’t anymore. She is now a licensed Optimetrist according to her account, and already got a son. She is married. Ouch!!! That really hurts bigtime. I sent an invite to her in friendster and I wait for her approval. And I still wait and will wait. Im not sure if she is base here in Bacolod, but I really do wish that we get the chance to see each other again face to face. Cant wait for that moment. I don’t know why im still crazy for her. Im still CRAZY FOR YOU.

I HATE THEM

Monday June23, another boring day... i spent most of the day at home... i woke up around 11am, opened my laptop and connect it to my internet... turned on the TV, cook for lunch.. chat a bit...

after lunch, got tired and felt sleepy... so i took a nap... i woke up around 5pm.. thought of going out and buy food for dinner... i had my shower, changed clothes, locked all the doors at home and the gate and went to Lopues EAst... i enjoyed roaming around the grocery area... bought a whole chicken, and i passed by the fish center.. OK TAGALOG NAMAN HA, DI KO NA KAYA MAG ENGLISH.. LUMALABAS NA DUGO SA ILONG AT TENGA KO.. HAHHAHA... continuation.. nakita ko tilapia, malalaki at matataba... sus naglaway ako, bumili ako ng dalawa lang para sugbahin/grill it... i went home.. excited and i prepared it for grilling... but before it, i cooked rice... when the rice cooker is ON, i went back to the dirty kitchen outside, clean the fish and put some salt on it... nag siga ako ng oling, then when it was almost ready for the grilling time, i remembered the rice na niluluto ko sa loob ng bahay... tiningnan ko kung luto na sya o nasunog... i ran swiftly inside the house and check it.. well its a little burned but its OK... nung bumalik ako sa labas para e grill na ang tilapia, i found out na isa nalang naiwan... i checked kung baka nakalimutan ko lang sa hugasan.. wala talaga.. d ko mahanap... i remembered the cat that was at the gate when i was preparing the grilling pan... there i suspected that it was the cat that stole it... uminit talga ang ulo ko, kasi dalawa lang yung tilapia na binili ko, nwala pa ang isa... then mahal pa naman ang bili ko dun... halos maiyak ako ng gabi na yun... hinanap ko talaga kung saan saan, d ko talaga makita... kainis talaga yung pusa na yun... pagkaluto ng naiwan kung tilapia, kinain ko kaagad dahil sa takot na mawala ulit...

bwisit talaga yun..pagkatapos kung kumain, sus sinilip ko talaga sa labas... aba, nakita ko sa grilling pan dalawang pusa, naghahanap pa ng pwedeng manakaw na pagkain... tama talaga ang hinala ko na sila ang nagnakaw ng tilapia ko... lumabas ako ng bigla sa bahay na iniisip na batohin ang mga pusa.. pero sadyang mabibilis sila.. sabi ko, one day na makita ko kayo uli, kayo naman ang isusugba ko ... GGGGGGRRRRRR

Heavy Loaded

I dont know why i get involve again into this blog matter. Knowing that im not a good writer and not a good story teller of my everyday life. D rin ako magaling sa english and sa grammar. Pero sadyang merong tumutulak sa akin na sumulat. Sabi nila, we have all the freedom to express ourselves. Kung saang malaya ka na maipahayag mo ng mabuti ang damdamin at sinasaisip sa ano mang wika ay huwag mong hayaan na pigilin ang sarili. Through writing, it helps you express what you wish to share to be understand by others and sometimes it plays a "healing" to the person who is exercising his freedom of expression through writing.

Simpleng tao lang ako. I am happy but i do feel sad sometimes. Im expressive but not all expressions you see are meant to be. Some people see me na happy go lucky ako, swerte sa buhay, walang problema, gimmik dito gimmik doon. Its nice to hear those comments, sound so positive. But in real, they dont know whats really going on inside of me. Its sad to be living alone, living away from my family. Financial support i receive from them isnt enough to make me happy (i dont give a damn with the money) or its simply dont complete me. Im longing for there presence, i miss them.

I face people i know with a pleasant look, as if walang problema. Happy face they see from me, i laugh with them, kulitan with friends, but deep inside im hurting. Ang bigat ng mundo para sa akin. I try and i struggle everyday to be positive but its hard to battle reality. I want to make things right, but sometimes it dont end up as to what i wish it should be. I had my way in doing right things, but there were some that hinders me in finishing right. I always left a FAILURE. Sometimes i try to deviate and do the wrong things, thinking that from it, i could claim VICTORY in the end, but wrong never be right. And i regret it.

I had so many mistakes in my life, countless. I dont deny it. But i also had so many struggles sa buhay na gumawa ng tama at ginawa ng tama, pero bakit im not glorious. Its not a feeling of envy to others who had find there own success and dreams in life, its just a question kung ano talaga mali sa akin, kung ano ang kulang na dapat punan. Honestly, sometimes i have this feeling of tension and fear inside of me when it comes to job application matter. I am Afraid of rejection. I already had enough, and i feel sorry for my soul. Its crashing my spirit. Sometimes i already doubt my competency and strength.

Its really hard to live alone with this kind of struggle. Doing right but still not enough. Trying the wrong leaves me finding myself sucked up by a quicksand. Help me Change. Its unbearable but im still fighting. God, i surrender it all to you!!! Im weak and weary, give me strength. Light me up.

Sorry, i know na medyo hindi detalyado or straight forward pa yung mga kinukwento ko, its just that im still not ready to open up fully. Maybe because of the wall that i subconsciously created to protect my spirit from wearing out. I will do my best to slowly uncover the real happenings in my life.

Im just overloaded now, i have a heavy heart. This is why im expressing it in here, to lighten up.